Thankful

In a year where it feels particularly hard to be in a thankful mood as it brought such a devastating blow, I am very thankful to all my my friends and family that have been there to support me throughout the difficult time.  Truly I am a wealthy man in that respect and very appreciative of it.

Thank you all.

Cussing at Work

Because virtually everything I have posted in the past several months has been tied to something unpleasant, I offer a break from the down slide. Thanks to my sister for the forward:

Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.

Therefore,a list of 18 New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner..

Number 1

TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing.

Number 2
TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a f___ing bit__.

Number 3
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

Number 4
TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way.

Number 5
TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh___ing me!

Number 6
TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with....
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.

Number 7
TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my f___ing problem..

Number 8
TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f___?

Number 9
TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work.

Number 10
TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ didn't you tell me sooner?

Number 11
TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues...
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a__.

Number 12
TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.

Number 13
TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.

Number 14
TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: F__ it, I'm on salary.

Number 15
TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.

Number 16
TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This f___ing job sucks.

Number 17
TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss?

Number 18
TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a pr_ck.

Thank You,
Human Resources

Bobbie Update - August 4, 2009

Many of you have been contacted directly and I apologize to those that have not, but this update bears the burden of being a final one in reference to Bobbie's battle with cancer. She passed away on Thursday of last week, July 30th, in the early afternoon.

Shortly following my previous update, she had a very difficult weekend during which she developed breathing difficulties and was placed on oxygen permanently. Four days later the nurse assessed her condition and modified the previous 6-10 week expectancy down significantly to 1-2 weeks. Bobbie and I began fervently planning the next week in an attempt to get as many of the visitors that she particularly wanted to see to her side as quickly as possible in hopes that she would have a chance to say goodbye in person to at least a significant few. Unfortunately, she had a very difficult Tuesday night, Wednesday and Wednesday night and Thursday brought the end.

Killian had the opportunity to give his mommy a hug and a kiss goodbye on Thursday morning before they took her to the hospital, and for that I am thankful. For that matter, I count many of us as exceptionally fortunate to have had the extended time with her that we did once her condition was known. She was an amazing woman in both sickness and in health. I loved her dearly and am exceedingly proud to have claimed her as my wife. Even more so to have her as the mother of my child. Killian's chief misunderstanding in this short time after her passing is that "I don't have a mommy anymore." To this, I consistently reply with "She will always be your mommy. You will never be without one."

He and I, no doubt, have a difficult road of grieving and healing ahead of us as we face life as single father and son, but I have no doubt that the memory of her strength will continue to lend us our own as we find our way along. And to the many of you that have offered your unyielding support thus far and continue to offer to do so, I thank you each dearly.

Several people have inquired as to wanting to send flowers or do something for the family. We ask that you do not send flowers for, though the gesture is most appreciated, the result is but temporary. Instead, we ask that if you wish to contribute something that you do so in one of the following manners:

• send a donation in the name of Killian McRae to our home address which will be put toward Killian's future needs (college, etc.)
• make a donation to one of the following foundations/charities working on the disease which took Bobbie's life
• http://www.melanoma.org/ (research oriented)
• http://www.melanomafoundation.org/
• http://www.melanomaprevention.org/ (this foundation is dedicated to preventing melanoma in children)
• http://www.melanomasupport.org/
• http://www.foundationformelanomaresearch.org/ (research oriented)

I hope to be able to view this as a release from sickness and suffering for Bobbie rather than and end to life and would ask that you try to do the same. We will each endure this news and experience in our own fashion and I encourage you to embrace whatever that brings you and to recognize the value of your own life and of your loved ones as you do. It is so very easy to take them for granted.

Bobbie Update - July 24, 2009

This is an update that I have been reluctant to write up and send as it contains difficult information and I wanted to give Bobbie an opportunity to inform as many as she could in person ahead of it.

Since the previous update, a few things have occurred including two hospital stays:

• The first stay was a 2 day stay (July 9-10) resulting from a fall in the shower when a faulty hospital chair collapsed underneath her. It resulted in an abscess that became infected and required a minor surgery but has caused her significant discomfort due to its location. She also required a 2 pint blood transfusion for anemia, though doubtful this was related to the fall.
• Following that stay, we enjoyed our first true family vacation since Killian was born to the Great Wolf Lodge in Williamsburg. Though Bobbie couldn't swim and spent the entirety of the trip in a wheelchair, she seems to have enjoyed the trip and Killian certainly had a great time. Killian having a great time lets both Bobbie and I both enjoy ourselves.
• On the first night home from the Great Wolf Lodge, Bobbie had her first seizure since the cancer reached her brain. This landed her in the hospital for a 5 day stay while they analyzed and adjusted her daily medical cocktail and monitored her status. Her daily medical diet now consists of:
• Dilantin 500mg - seizure preventative
• Glucophage 500mg - blood sugar control
• NvoLIN N 12 units - insulin
• HumuLIN R - sliding scale insulin
• Decadron 16mg - steroids
• Zoloft 100mg
• Potassium supplement
• Ambien 10mg - sleep aid
• That's 16 pill per day and 1 to 3 shots per day, not including any pain reliever such as Ibuprofen, Acetaminophen or Oxycodone as needed.
• While at the hospital following her seizure, they performed an MRI and determined that the Temodar treatment was not working in that there has been no significant tumor shrinkage. As a result, her doctor decided to discontinue the Temodar treatment.

So, where does that leave us? Well, it leaves us in an unpleasant place. It leaves us in a situation where Bobbie is under no active treatment for her cancer. It leaves us in a situation where the doctors tell us that the steroids are basically keeping Bobbie alive and that there is a limited duration for which they will continue to work. Her medical oncologist estimates that the remaining duration for steroid effectiveness is in the 6 to 10 week range and that assessment was made about 1 1/2 weeks ago. Of course, it is just an estimate on the doctor's part, but that doesn't make it any less difficult to try and absorb or process.

Since that hospital visit, she has been having spiking pain in her knees, shortness of breath, sleep apnea, ongoing fatigue and has started running a fever of 101-102 intermittently over the past couple of days. She is now under hospice care and we have a hospital bed in the house for her comfort. The hospice nurses are speculating that the fever is what they're calling a "tumor fever", meaning that it is not related to viral or bacterial infection, but a defensive reaction of the body to the changing tumors. Speaking of the hospice nurses, she is under the care of Heartland Hospice Care and they have been wonderful. She has met with nurses, a grief counselor, a social worker, a spiritualist and a case worker. I have met most of them and spent some time with the grief counselor as well.

I apologize to those of you for which this is a significant chunk of news, but needless to say my world has been a challenging place over the past several weeks. I also hope it doesn't come across as overly negative, but it's hard to put much of a positive spin on such news. There is no way to know how much time we have left in any definitive form, but I'm hoping that it is, in the very least, relevant to the best case estimate by her medical oncologist, placing us in the 3 to 4 month range.

We plan to tell Killian this weekend in whatever fashion seems appropriate to us. The grief counselor and/or one of her nurses will come and see him sometime next week after he has a few days to ask mommy and daddy about the situation. They told us to basically be honest with him with whatever questions he asks.

Bobbie asks that you send her an email (bmcrae@nc.rr.com) or leave her a voicemail if you wish to contact her and she will call people back as she feels well enough to do so.

Again, I apologize if this message seems disjointed or lacking the structure of my previous communications and hope that it finds you all well and with healthy families of your own. I will endeavour to send out updates more frequently as opportunity and situations allow.

Tweets Through June 17, 2009

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